The Mortal Kombat series has done some amazing things over the years. The games were great, it spawned a live action television series, it had a GI Joe-like toy brand toy deal with Hasbro, it spawned a cartoon show to promote Mortal Kombat 3, and it spawned two movies. Oh dear god, am I going to talk about the movies? You and I both knew this day was coming, and it's just as painful now as it would be later. Why did these movies suck so hard? Maybe I can help you understand.

The first Mortal Kombat movie was created during the height of the franchise's popularity. Mortal Kombat 2 was an record arcade hit, and Mortal Kombat 3 was on its way. Mortal Mania was absolutely everywhere, and it's pretty common for the executives of publishing companies to decide that it's time for a movie when one of their products become bigger than life. It happened with Super Mario Bros, so why not Mortal Kombat as well?

The producers hired a cast of actors that you would rarely ever see again with hopes that casting Christopher Lambert as Raiden would draw attention from critics and sci-fi fans alike. They also hired Paul Anderson as the director – he's know for such atrocities as Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Alien vs. Predator, and DOA: Dead or Alive. The film was given a $24 million budget and a script that actually followed the storyline of the first Mortal Kombat game fairly well.

In all fairness, the casting was done well. Each character was portrayed in a way that fans and newcomers alike could agree that they reflected their pixilated counterparts. The only thing that really left viewers confused was the retcon of Liu Kang's story that placed him as a former member of his Shaolin temple who was residing in the United States at the beginning of the movie. He fled to America so he wouldn't have to face the shame of allowing his brother to die by the hands of Shang Tsung. Wait, now Liu has a brother?

So forget the White Lotus Society and how Liu was sent to defeat Shang Tsung and return the Mortal Kombat tournament to the Shaolins. This Liu Kang wanted revenge. Sonya's story was changed from entering the tournament in order to spare her crew to entering the tournament in order to kill Kano. Johnny Cage was still attending the tournament to prove that he wasn't a fake, and Raiden's story reflected the retcon that the Mortal Kombat 2 game had created in that he was a guide. Kano's reason for entering the tournament is never completely revealed aside from Shang Tsung mentioning how "useful" Kano was in his plan. Sub-Zero and Scorpion both played the part of lap dog to Shang Tsung, completely ignoring their rivalry. Why is the rivalry tossed aside? Shang Tsung mentions that they are "the deadliest of enemies, but completely under my power." I can only assume that means nobody cared and wrote the script without researching.

The fighting sequences and special effects were actually impressive. Robin Shou was certainly able to showcase his martial arts talent while playing Liu Kang. The flow of every fight wasn't lax at all. Most people who remember this movie will recall that the story was awful and the script was filled with horrible puns and clichés, but the fighting sequences were impressive. One thing I especially liked about the fighting sequences is how there was a complete lack of special moves that the video game counterparts were constantly spamming. The fights would have been silly and laughable if Johnny Cage had suddenly leaped across the room for a kick with shadowy traces of himself left behind – like MK: Annihilation did.

Some parts of the film were just completely unnecessary and left you groaning. A prime example of this is when Prince Goro decides to begin fighting. There are various clips of him beating the hell out of opponent after opponent, sending each to the ground in a heap. This scene was more than enough for a viewer to get the idea that this is one tough bastard, but I guess that the director wanted to show their Goro puppet off a little more – as if the poorly synced mouth movements weren't enough. Onto the Art Lean scene.

Now I can understand why Art has to die. His death enrages Johnny Cage and gives the actor enough courage to challenge Goro to Mortal Kombat without Raiden's consent. But what we didn't need was a boring fight where Goro just kicks the shit out of Art and allows Shang Tsung to consume Art's soul through his eye. It's just more excuses to use special effects.

This wasn't the only boring, fairly pointless scene in the film either. The fight between Cage and Scorpion was certainly lackluster with the first half of the scene being scripted to show off the animation of Scorpion's now "animated" spear. The thing chases Johnny all around while hissing and shrieking like an imp. I was hoping that the fighting would pick up when the two teleports to the abandoned ship. "Zero Signal" by Fear Factory begins to play in the background, and Ed Boon's voiceover for Scorpion is heard growling, "Welcome!" The fighting does pick up, but it really doesn't last. Johnny begins swinging around on a rope, and what could have been a great scene quickly begins to suck. Cage eventually uses a shield to tear chunks into Scorpion and somehow make him explode. In the aftermath of the explosion is an autographed picture of Cage that reads, "To my biggest fan." Does anyone else smell the cheese?

As the Nostalgia Critic has pointed out, there are plenty of dumb jokes and clichés used all throughout the movie. At the beginning of the film, Johnny Cage is filming his latest movie and is in a scene where he is beating down some thugs. He lands an impressive kick on the last standing thug who takes the blow and continues to stare at Cage. An aggravated Cage shakes his head and says, "This is where you fall down." The confused actor then throws himself to the ground. The same line is used later during the fight between Goro and Cage when Goro is hanging off of the side of a cliff by one hand. Cage says "This is where you fall down" and steps on the Shokan's hand, causing Goro to fall to his apparent death. I can't even begin to tell you how much I laughed at that – somewhere between "zero" and "not even close to."

Liu Kang eventually defeats Shang Tsung by harnessing his potential to be Mortal Kombat Grand Champion and landing a fireball square into Tsung's chest. Tsung falls to the floor below and is impaled by spikes(they can't leave the Pit out afterall). The film ends with Shao Kahn arriving and announcing that he has come for their souls. The characters take a very cliché stance as Raiden utters, "I don't think so…"

So the movie was overall bad, but it had its charm. I personally enjoy it, but I understand that there are some parts that just shouldn't be. Unfortunately, there were far more people who thought the movie was awful rather than good. However, these people had no idea what was coming two years later: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

Like a pile of rotten garbage that is able to take the form of a movie, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation was the equivalent of a bad car wreck. This film took everything about the third game and openly abused it for the world to see.

The absolute worst part about the opening scene in this movie is how it blatantly ignores the final scene in the first Mortal Kombat movie. There is a rumbling in the sky as the clouds begin to darken. Sonya(now played by a worse actress) asks what the problem is, and Raiden(now played by some guy who plain sucks) informs her that the emperor is causing the disturbance. Several ninja-like thugs teleport down like we're watching an episode of the Power Rangers, and Kahn(who is played by possibly the worst actor alive) and his minions soon follow.

The camera work quickly shifts to this uncomfortable view that has viewers looking up at everyone rather than traditional face to face camera work. The only explanation I can think of is the director wanted us to get a good look at the sub-par costumes. Anyway, this horrible angle continues as we watch Johnny Cage leap into the air and attempt a Shadow Kick(crappy animation and all) on Kahn. Kahn shrugs the attack off and puts Cage in a chokehold. Raiden retaliates by putting an electric barrier around Ermac, Motaro, and Sheeva, but Kahn calls Raiden's bluff by daring him to kill the three and watch Cage die in the process. Raiden lowers the barrier, and Kahn snaps Cage's neck anyway. Yeah, that's seriously it. No more Johnny Cage for the rest of the movie. Who the hell wrote this script?!

Shortly after, the Sindel storyline is introduced when the queen of Outworld makes her entrance. Kitana is shocked that her mother is alive, and Raiden has a very quick GTFO moment as he tells his earthrealm warriors to flee. They enter a hidden area, and Raiden is able to explain that the resurrection of Sindel has allowed Kahn to break the sacred rules and open a portal to mend the two realms together. Liu Kang quickly teams up with Kitana as Raiden teams up with Sonya. They all are whisked away in these balls that are powered by the rising heat from the earth's core. They somehow don't melt during these trips.

More scenes designed to plug in as many characters as possible and to showcase Robin Shou are ahead as Liu is ambushed by Smoke in his robot form. Smoke comes close to handing Liu his ass as Kitana pulls out her fan blades and busts up some random thugs that come from out of nowhere. Sub-Zero arrives to freeze Smoke in his place as the robot was loading a missile. Liu kicks the frozen Smoke over, and the villain explodes. At this point, I want to mention that with the short fight between Raiden and Kahn at the beginning and this battle, the director loves to use the looking up camera view with slow motion. Someone should explain to this guy that not only does the action come off as odd this way, but it also shows how awful the stunts and moves really are in this movie. The slow motion idea shot this movie in the forehead.

The movie basically goes on to include basically every Mortal Kombat character in existence at that time. There is even a scene where Ermac refers to Stryker as a "mighty warrior." Funny, I thought his bio read that he was a cop who was left no choice to fight against the invaders. Anyway, I can easily count that the movie either added or mentioned Nightwolf, Jade, Noob Saibot, Smoke, Cyrax, Jax, Sonya, Cage, Shao Kahn, Raiden, Liu Kang, Kabal, Kitana, Mileena, Baraka, Sheeva, Motoro, Stryker, Shinnok, and Sindel, Are the majority of character encounters boring and a waste of time? You guessed it.

Throughout the movie, this dragon-like tattoo comes to life and flies off of the defeated bad guys. Liu and the rest of the earthrealm warriors eventually see the same tattoo on Raiden and ask about it. Raiden reveals that it is his family crest, and then concludes that he and Shao Kahn are brothers. That also means that Shinnok is their father. In the end, I don't care.

Before all of this plot twist madness, Liu travels through barren lands to meet up with Nightwolf who will teach him to unlock his Animality(will this ever end?!). He also fights and befriends Jade. While this is going on, Sonya is rescuing Jax and killing Mileena. However, unknown to all of the characters, this movie is slowly killing my soul.

Anyway, there is an epic battle at the end where Jade is shown as a traitor, Baraka gets his ass handed to him, Noob Saibot jumps out of someone's body, Raiden is killed, and Liu transforms into a dragon to beat Kahn's ass. There is plenty more slow-motion, god awful action to endure until the lackluster end finally arrives.

I think there are two extremely big things that make this movie suck: the overabundance of characters and the fact that it had a $30 million budget. That's right, MK: Annihilation had a bigger budget than the first movie, and it sucked the most balls. It was directed by John Leonetti, a guy who made his career by being a cinematographer and directing photography in the first MK movie. Who smoked enough crack to decide to give a guy with no film directing experience the big chair to a $30 million budget film?! This doesn't make any damned sense!

I hope I assisted you in feeling my pain as I looked back at a movie that had some crappy parts but was overall fun and a movie that made me want to fry my eyes on a car hood. If you really want to torment yourself, Wal-Mart is currently selling a $10 double feature DVD that has both movies on one disc. Yes, I did pick it up. You may point and laugh.